Hip-Hop Island

Whenever my Barbies went out on dates with G.I. Joe and his buddies, they always came back with smiles on their faces and tousled hair from riding around in Jeeps. Why? Because these fatigue-wearing army men were a hell of a lot more exciting than lame, boring Ken. Sure, Ken had a flawless tan, but Ripcord, Duke and Snake Eyes had it going on with those defined muscles and heavy artillery (pause). So when Paramount brought these plastic dreams of perfection to the big screen, I was expecting the coolest action flick ever. Instead, Hollywood went and ruined Barbie's perfect jump-off to a bunch of awful drones. Even the "actors" who play the roles aren't excited about their parts -- they just owed Paramount another movie... "The Marlon Waynes action figure would have to come with two kids, and he would have different sneakers..." Barbie's already in tears thinking that her man has gone pansy on her. Watch the rest of the interview below.